A New Path
by Vice Admiral Kathryn Janeway
Summary: Things change quickly, throwing their lives down an unforeseen path. (A Janeway/Chakotay series that started as a post-Endgame vignette and has taken on a life of its own.)
1. That'll Be Enough

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing recognizable and if I did, Tom would've died a looooong time ago.

**Author's Note:** I have a lot of stories to update but my muse isn't playing nicely. She's been on strike for a long while and when she _finally_ decided to play nicely, this is what I got. *shrug* This is unbeta'd so, as always, all mistakes are mine.

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"Why'd they choose us?"

Looking up from the padd he's been attempting to read for the last twenty minutes, Chakotay watches as the small redhead in front of him frets. She's been flustered since they got home and while he can't blame her for her anxiety, she's starting to make him dizzy with her constant pacing.

"Kathryn, come sit down," he says, patting the empty spot next to him on the sofa. She wrings her hands for a moment longer and then visibly droops, moving slowly to sit next to him. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, shaking his head slightly.

"You know why they chose us," he replies, pressing a kiss to her temple. "We're her godmother and they knew we'd take care of her."

"Did they even take into consideration how we'd feel about this? I mean, we've been home for six months and we just got married," she says softly, looking across the room at the fire dancing in the fireplace. "They didn't even ask."

"They didn't even ask?" he repeats, staring at her. He fights the urge to take her by the shoulders and shake her but pulls his arm from around her and stands, taking a couple steps away to look out the window at the snowy fields of their Indiana home. He can't fathom Kathryn's line of thinking and his grief and anger from the last few days finally boils over as he loses his calm. "At which point were they supposed to ask, hmm? As the test engine failed? As the shuttle went down? As they died on impact on an uninhabited planet? At which point, Kathryn, should they have commed us and asked?"

He regrets the words as soon as he says them. He hears her inhale shakily and the sound of a door clicking shut makes him wince; he didn't mean to take everything out on her. The call they received three days ago from Admiral Paris, informing them that Tom and B'Elanna were gone, is still fresh in his mind and in his grief, he's lashed out at Kathryn. Rubbing a hand over his face, Chakotay tries to make sense of everything. He's not handling things well and he knows that he needs to apologize to Kathryn.

He finds her in the guest bedroom, now a nursery, sitting in the rocking chair her mother brought over yesterday. Kathryn's facing the crib but he knows she's not really seeing anything; she's crying harder than he's ever seen her cry. Moving slowly, he kneels in front of her and touches her knee, his heart aching at the pain on her face.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did," he whispers, mindful of the sleeping baby across the room. She shakes her head and hiccups softly, her eyes finding his as she reaches out and touches his cheek with a shaky hand.

"I don't know how to do this," she confesses. "I don't know how to grieve for them and take care of Miral at the same time. I look at her and see her parents and I just … I'm not ready for a baby, Chakotay. I don't know how."

"Oh Kathryn," he sighs, everything clicking into place in his mind. She's terrified and he feels like a heel for not realizing it sooner. Taking her hand, he stands and pulls her up, leading her over to the crib. She's hesitant but he tugs her closer, wrapping his arm around her waist as they look down at the sleeping child. "You'll be brilliant, sweetheart. You'll teach her everything you know and she'll be doing quantum physics by the time she's two. You'll tell her stories of her mother's bravery, her father's humor, and their love for her and each other. I know you're scared and that this seems terrifying but you'll love her and that'll be enough."

They hold each other and stare at Miral, each thinking of the future and the new path their lives have taken.


	2. Saving the Moment

**Disclaimer: ** I own nothing. If I had, the characters would've been much happier (though Tom and B'Elanna would disagree with that).

**Author's Note:** A New Path started out as a random vignette but my muse insisted on continuing it. I can't say how often it'll be updated (my muse is a fickle brat, it seems) but this is chapter two. This is, as always, unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

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It's been a long day and he's completely exhausted. Teaching at the Academy is a dream job, one he never thought he'd have again, and while it's been rewarding and fulfilling to pass his knowledge on to cadets just beginning their journey in life, he's also a lot older than he was the first time he did this. Apparently he'd forgotten the long hours and stressful meetings and time-consuming lesson plans; he's totally beat but it's such a great job. The biggest perk, in his mind, is that his office is close to his wife's; he's still able to make sure she remembers to eat. Being an admiral is hard work and she's as forgetful now as she was on Voyager.

They usually make the trip home together but Kathryn's aide says she left early today. A quick check at the childcare center in her building tells him that she's already been there and left; the ensign informs him that the baby was sick and that the admiral came to get her around 1500. Chakotay thanks her and heads for the transporter in the Academy's lobby, hurrying at the thought of Kathryn alone with Miral. It's not that he doesn't trust her with the ten month old (she brought the Borg to their knees, for crying out loud) but he knows that she's been overwhelmed with the change of having the baby.

His thoughts turn to Tom and B'Elanna as he waits for his turn at the transporter. The call from Admiral Paris changed everything; Tom and B'E were suddenly gone, lost in an experimental shuttle accident. He knows, just like they did, that life is Starfleet is dangerous but even now he finds the situation unfair. They spent seven years on Voyager fighting for their lives only to come home and die within six months.

And then there's Miral. Admiral Paris stiffly informed him that Tom and B'E had a will and that if anything happened, Miral was to go to Chakotay and Kathryn. It was funny, really, to think about Tom having the last word in his relationship with his father; they'd never gotten along and being flung across the galaxy didn't help the two men find common ground. Owen and Tom didn't get along and when his son and daughter-in-law died, Owen didn't even show up at the funerals. That'd been hard for Kathryn, seeing her former mentor snub his family in such a harsh way. Chakotay held her quite a few times as she cried out her frustration.

It didn't help that Kathryn was terrified of being a parent under the circumstances they found themselves in. They'd only been married for two weeks before the accident and they'd never really talked about having kids. He knew they both wanted them but they had one suddenly thrust upon them under such terrible conditions and it'd been a shock. Kathryn hasn't been truly alone with Miral yet because she doesn't really trust herself to know what to do.

The lieutenant working the transporter motions to Chakotay and he gives the woman the coordinates to their house in Indiana before moving to stand in the proper place. Kathryn's promotion to admiral had its advantages; they'd had a private transporter set up in the study and used it to avoid the traffic of Bloomington's public transporter station. Nodding at the woman, Chakotay feels the tingle and momentary disorientation as the beam takes hold.

Silence greets him as he beams into the study. Throwing his coat over the back of the nearest chair and setting his briefcase down, he listens for a moment before frowning and heading toward the door. He takes two steps into the living room and stops, his heart leaping into his throat at the scene before him; Kathryn's sound asleep on the couch, Miral sleeping on her chest. Kathryn's hand is on the baby's back, making sure she doesn't move, and it's the most captivating thing Chakotay's ever seen. Moving quietly, he grabs the holoimager from its place on the mantle and snaps a few shots of his wife and Miral, tears burning at his eyes as he saves the moment forever.


	3. Begging For Mercy

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play and bring them back far happier than they were when they left.

**Author's Note: **A continuation of the _A New Path_ universe, this is really just a random drabble that my muse asked me to jot down. I'm not terribly happy with the flow of it, but I promised myself that I'd post without editing (otherwise there'd be nothing left for you to read . . .) so here it is. It's unbeta'd, as always, so all mistakes are mine.

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=/\=

Nearly every morning, she finds herself sitting on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet, begging for mercy from her turning stomach. Nothing helps settle it in the moment, though the episodes never really last long. She forgets about it by the time Miral wakes up, so she never thinks to mention it to Chakotay. She shrugs it off and attributes it to the stress she's been under for the last six months; caring for a baby, under any circumstances, is terribly trying.

A tiny voice in the back of her mind whispers softly that something's wrong when the smell of coffee starts making her nauseous. Coffee's been her drink of choice since she started the Academy and she's never had problems with it until now. At first she tries to blame it on the fact that she's smelling the cream and sugar her husband adds but she knows that's not it; he's been ruining his coffee for eight years now and it's never made her sick to her stomach before.

Kathryn's sitting at her desk at Starfleet Headquarters, reading a report from the captain of the USS Gallico, when her com-unit chirps. Setting aside the report, she pulls up the incoming message and smiles at the Doctor's grumpy frown.

"Doc, what can I do for you?"

"You could start by coming to my office for your physical, Admiral," the Doctor snaps, the lines between his eyebrows deepening. "You're two weeks overdue."

She has the grace to blush but doesn't look away from the irritated hologram as she says, "Yes, well, life's been busy. Maybe I could come by now, if you're free?"

He splutters for a full minute and Kathryn silently congratulates herself on rendering the Doctor speechless. When he finally finds his voice, it's incredulous.

"You'd be willing to come here? Now, of your own free will? Who are you and what've you done with Admiral Janeway?" he asks, staring. "I was fully prepared to threaten you with a replicator lockout on your coffee until you came in but now . . . I'm at a loss."

"I actually need to talk to you," she says, laughing. "I'm having trouble with coffee making me sick and I think I've come down with something. If you could check it out and give me something to help, I'd be forever grateful."

Kathryn watches the Doctor splutter for a moment before he finally tells her that he'll clear his schedule and that she can come to Starfleet Medical immediately. She shuts down her computer and sends her aide home for the day before she leaves, asking her to lock the office up. The walk to Medical is short, just through Boothby's rose garden, and Kathryn's standing in the Doctor's office less than twenty minutes after ending their conversation.

She explains her symptoms as she climbs up onto the biobed, describing everything from nausea to headaches - though that's not uncommon - to fatigue. The Doctor scans her, hmmm'ing and ohhh'ing as he does. She finally reaches the end of her patience with the dramatic display.

"So Doc, can you give me anything for this?" she asks and is shocked to see the grin he's giving her.

"Actually, no. There's nothing I can do for, oh, about six months," he answers. Her brow furrows as she stares at him, shaking her head slightly.

"I don't . . . What on Earth do you mean?"

"There's nothing I can give you for this, Admiral, because you're not sick. You're pregnant."

It takes her a moment to comprehend what he's just said and her reaction is immediate; she pales and sways, her heart racing at the confirmation of what she'd hoped was her overactive imagination.


	4. Dropping the Bomb

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play and bring them back far happier than they were when they left.

**Author's Note: **I'm hesitant to post this because my muse is in a weird mood and it sorta shows here but . . . Here ya go. This is unbeta'd, as always, so all mistakes are mine.

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Her mind races the entire way home. This isn't something she'd seen for herself, though neither was caring for a one year-old. Miral's presence in her life is scary enough, what with the responsibility and work that comes with raising a child; Kathryn's been overwhelmed since the day she and Chakotay picked up the baby from Admiral Paris. She's never considered herself maternal, always finding that focusing on her career's been more important in her life. She wouldn't even be married, honestly, if it weren't for the Caretaker picking up her ship and dropping the ship on the other of the galaxy with the Maquis she'd been sent to find. She knows deep down that she wouldn't have married Mark; new orders and 'setbacks' always seemed to come up whenever he'd suggest they set a date.

Mark was a safe date after Justin's death. She and Hobbes were childhood best friends and after the trauma of losing her father and fiance, Kathryn needed the stability Mark offered. She's still friends with him and she adores his wife; Carla's a wonderful woman and gives Mark everything he wants, everything Kathryn couldn't. They've got an adorable little boy right around Miral's age and Carla's been insisting on setting up a playdate for the kids.

The thought of Miral makes Kathryn melt. She's definitely her mother's daughter; she stomps around the farmhouse and has recently discovered the art of tearing apart her toys. Tom's there too, in the quirky smile and the bright blue eyes that twinkle mischievously whenever there's trouble to be found. Chakotay's so much better with her, though Kathryn tries. She just doesn't know how to handle children and is slowly learning.

The trip home to Indiana seems to take no time at all and Kathryn finds herself standing in the study before she realizes it. She can hear Chakotay talking to Miral in the kitchen and she's grateful that he picked up the baby from the childcare center; she completely forgot to stop by in her shock from the Doctor's diagnosis. Biting her lip as she takes a breath, she heads out of the study and into the kitchen to see her family.

"Hello, Beloved," Chakotay says, approaching with Miral in his arms. They're both covered in what looks like flour and Kathryn smiles faintly.

"Hello," she mumbles, tears threatening to form as Miral graces her with a grin and holds her arms out to be held. Slipping her uniform jacket off and tossing it on the counter, Kathryn takes the little girl and holds her tight, pressing a kiss to Miral's wavy hair. She inhales a few times and then looks up at Chakotay, noting the concern on his face.

"Sorry I'm late," she whispers, a lump forming in her throat. "I sat in Boothby's rose garden and lost track of time."

"Don't apologize. Miral and I were baking cookies from scratch," he replies, motioning to the floury mess behind him. "We got a little carried away when it came time to add the dry ingredients, though."

Kathryn carries Miral into the living room, trying to quell the sense of dread bubbling in her stomach. She's nervous about telling Chakotay the big news, unsure of how he'll react; he loves children and absolutely adores Miral, but they've never talked about having kids of their own. Sitting on the couch and arranging the baby on her lap, Kathryn stares at Miral's faint forehead ridges for a minute before looking up at her husband. He's still got the concerned look on his face and she takes a deep breath.

"The Doctor called and said I was overdue for my annual physical," she starts. "I went to see him so he could give me something for the flu I thought I had."

Chakotay's brow creases in concern as she speaks, though he doesn't interrupt her. Miral reaches up and tugs at Kathryn's hair, distracting her long enough to let her get her thoughts in order. When she looks back at her husband, she's got tears in her eyes.

"I thought I was sick. I've been nauseous and exhausted and coffee makes me want to throw up. I asked him to scan me and give me something for it but he said . . . he said . . . "

Her voice fails her and Chakotay looks utterly stricken.

"What'd the Doctor say? What's wrong, Kathryn?" he asks and she hears the fear in his voice. When she speaks, she only manages a whisper.

"I'm pregnant."

She counts to ten while Chakotay sits and stares at her in silence. She's nervous, terrified really, and chooses to focus on Miral while her husband collects his thoughts. Another minute passes and Kathryn feels Chakotay's hand on her knee, pulling her attention back to him. He's got tears streaking down his face as he stares at her, those beautiful lips of his forming a beaming grin.

"You're _pregnant_?"

She nods and he moves quicker than she's ever seen him move; he's got her and Miral wrapped in a hug before she can blink. Shifting a little to avoid squishing Miral, Kathryn snakes an arm around Chakotay and leans into him. She can feel his tears falling in her hair as he holds her close and his reaction soothes her nerves; he's not upset and she silently chastises herself for thinking that he would be. Pulling back a little, she manages a watery smile as he wipes her tears away and then cradles her face in his hands.

"I love you, Kathryn, more than I can express. This is the best thing that's ever happened to us," he says. He leans in to kiss her but is stopped by a tiny voice speaking her first understandable word.

"Mama!"

They both stare at each in shock, then look down at Miral in unison. The little girl is wiggling happily, grinning brightly at them. Kathryn hiccups a sob and shakes her head, unable to speak; they hadn't discussed what they'd do when she started talking and now she wishes they had.


	5. Time Differences

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play and bring them back far happier than they were when they left.

**Author's Note: **Based off an OTP prompt on tumblr, this chapter came about because a very sweet anon asked me to write a ficlet based on the tags I added to the post. I promised to add it to my _Path_ universe so here it is! This is unbeta'd, as always, so all mistakes are mine.

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She's almost managed to fall asleep when her computer console in the bedroom pings, announcing an incoming transmission. She opens her eyes slowly, silently cursing her husband for calling so early; she knows its him because he always contacts her this early when he's off-world on assignment. Groaning quietly as she drags herself out of bed, Kathryn tiptoes over to the unit and sits. She glances at the bed behind her, watching for movement that indicates her bed partner is waking up but she sees nothing and she lets out a sigh of relief. Keying in her authorization code, she answers his call and stares at him as he beams.

"Kathryn! I was going to contact you earlier but Commander T'shan called and needed help with a minor scheduling conflict that he couldn't seem to figure out and then my CMO requested I stop by sickbay for a moment to discuss her latest viral outbreak. How are you, Beloved? Did you have a good day? Does Miral need another toy shuttle or is hers still in one piece?"

She continues to stare at him, her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed. She purses her lips to stop from ripping into him for calling at 0500 and he seems to realize that something's wrong; he leans forward and frowns, reaching out to touch the screen.

"Kathryn, what is it? Are you okay? Is something wrong with Miral?" he asks, his voice growing more and more concerned. "Is the baby okay?"

She grits her teeth to stop the sharp retort and just nods instead, not trusting herself to be civil. Chakotay's frown stays but he leans back in the chair and watches her.

"So you're okay, Miral's okay, and the baby's okay . . . but you're glaring at me like I took your coffee and I'm not sure why," he says and she's too tired to continue keeping silent.

"You want to know how I slept? I haven't. Miral had a nightmare and screamed until I brought her in here to sleep with me. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, Chakotay, but she kicks in her sleep. Between Miral kicking my side and your unborn soccer player kicking my bladder, I haven't slept at all. I was just about to fall asleep when you called at 0500," she rants, stopping suddenly for a yawn. Chakotay's eyes are wide and his jaw is slack as he stares at her and Kathryn really, really wants to go back to sleep. Her husband clears his throat and has the good grace to look sheepish.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I didn't take into account the time difference before I called you," he says, shaking his head as he tugs at his ear. "Go back to sleep and I'll talk to you later, Beloved."

He blows her a kiss and then ends the transmission. She looks at the screen for a minute and then sighs, pushing herself up from the chair and straightening up to stretch her back. She's just hit six months and is already looking forward to not being pregnant anymore; her back always hurts, her knees keep protesting the added weight they're carrying, and she hasn't seen her feet in months. She smiles faintly at the thought of how amazing Chakotay's been through this whole process; he tends to nag a lot about her eating habits and how much coffee she drinks but he's been wonderful. Chewing on her lip while she looks over her shoulder at Miral sprawled spread-eagle on the bed, Kathryn blinks back tears and shakes her head before turning back to the console. Sitting again, she taps a few keys and then waits. It doesn't take long for his worried face to replace the Federation logo.

"Kathryn? What's wro-"

"I miss you," she says, interrupting him as she leans forward and touches the screen. "I miss you so much and I'm sorry for being so rude earlier."

"You don't have to apologize, Beloved. I didn't even think to check the time there and I feel like such a targ," he replies, making her smile as he lifts his hand and touches the screen too. "I miss you, Kathryn, but we only have another week before I'm home."

"Miral misses you too and I swear she's learned a hundred new things to say since you've been gone." She has to wipe a tear away as she laughs. "She keeps wandering through the house looking for Papa Kotay and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. I can't wait for you to get home."

They talk for a little longer and then he's called to the bridge. He promises to check the time before he calls her again and she promises to eat something other than the coffee ice cream she's been craving, and they end the link with a promise to talk soon. Kathryn slips into bed and gets comfortable, drifting off to sleep with a smile as Miral snuggles up against her.


	6. Eleven O'Clock Appointment

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play and bring them back far happier than they were when they left.

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the weird flow of this one but my muse just _had_ to have it down tonight. It's unbeta'd so all mistakes are, as always, mine.

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"Admiral, your eleven o'clock appointment is here."

Kathryn looks up from her computer, smiling her thanks as she nods at her assistant. Her day is booked solid today; she starts her maternity leave in three days and it seems like everyone is clamoring to get in a little time with her before she goes. Lieutenant Quinn, an extremely pleasant and thoroughly organized young woman who's served as her assistant since Kathryn's promotion, stands in the doorway and smiles when Kathryn looks back up.

"Professor Chakotay called and asked if you're available for lunch," she says and Kathryn chuckles as she sits back in her chair, absentmindedly rubbing her belly. She's still a month from her due date but she's found that Baby Janeway likes to stretch and push the limits of her cozy quarters as often as possible. Chakotay thinks it's adorable to watch Kathryn's stomach shift and bulge as their daughter wedges herself under her mother's ribs but Kathryn finds it terribly uncomfortable.

"Let my nagging husband know that I'll meet him at Luigi's on the pier, would you? And you can send in my appointment," Kathryn says with a smile, turning back to shut off her computer so she can give her next appointment all of her attention. She's halfway to the replicator for a glass of water when she hears an excited voice call out, "Admiral!" from the opening door. Grinning brightly as she turns, Kathryn's nearly knocked over by Naomi's enthusiastic hug. She wraps her arms around the little girl's shoulder as best she can, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Naomi! What a wonderful surprise!" she says, genuinely pleased to see the half-Ktarian. Looking up, she sees Sam and laughs. "It's so wonderful to see you both!"

Sam returns the smile and Kathryn looks down at Naomi again, watching the little girl stare at her stomach as Baby Janeway twists and turns again. After a moment, Naomi looks up and beams happily.

"Mom said we could come see you if we made an appointment and we had to go see the Doctor so we made an appointment here for the same day 'cause I've missed you!" she gushes. Kathryn laughs and moves over to the couch under the windows, patting the cushion beside her. Naomi plops herself down and reaches out to pat Kathryn's belly. "Your tummy is getting bigger 'cause of the baby, huh?"

"That's right," Kathryn answers, still so happy to see Naomi and Sam. "We've only got four more weeks and then Baby Janeway is joining the crew. She's getting bigger every day and sometimes I wonder how much more my belly can take before I pop!"

"That's silly, Admiral! You won't pop 'cause you're not a balloon!" Naomi giggles madly, shaking her head. Kathryn tends to forget that, while she ages rapidly because of her Ktarian genes, Naomi's just a little girl. Taking the child's hand in hers, she lays it over her belly where Baby Janeway's kicking hard. Satisfied that Naomi's occupied, she looks up at Sam.

"She had to see the Doctor? Is everything okay?" she asks, concern coloring her tone. Sam smiles and nods, watching Naomi move her hands across Kathryn's belly.

"Naomi's fine, Admiral. I actually went to see the Doctor and Naomi begged to come along," Sam explains. She pauses for a moment and then exhales slowly, her smile widening as she looks up at Kathryn. "You know that Greskrendtregk and I are together, right? We talked and decided we want Naomi to grow up on Earth instead of Ktaris so we've been house hunting. We found a great little house not far from Headquarters and we were moving in when I started feeling ill. I figured I was nervous because I had to readjust to life with my husband but I went to the Doctor and he told me I'm pregnant."

Kathryn gasps, tears filling her eyes as she reaches over and grabs Sam's hand, squeezing tight. Her voice wavers as she whispers, "Oh Sam, this is such wonderful news and I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you, Admiral," Sam says, laughingly wiping her own tears away. Kathryn looks down at the sound of a sniffle and sees Naomi's eyes fill with tears just before the little girl starts to cry. Frowning, Kathryn reaches down and lifts Naomi's chin so she's making eye contact.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" she asks. Naomi cries harder and buries her face in Kathryn's side. Glancing up to see Sam's look of shock, Kathryn tries again. "Naomi, what's the matter?"

After a long moment of crying and sniffling, Naomi looks up at Kathryn with a trembling lower lip as she says, "Mom's having a baby and you've got another assistant and I don't belong anywhere and _I just wanna go back to Voyager_!"

"Oh sweetheart," Kathryn breathes, her heart melting as she gathers the girl in her arms, holding her as tight as she can. "You'll always belong with us, Naomi. You'll always be my favorite Captain's assistant, sweetheart, and your mom and dad still love you just as much as they did before. You're so very important to everyone, Naomi, and I know that it's hard to adjust to change but these are good changes, okay?"

Naomi sniffles again, her tears slowly stopping. She looks up and nods, her eyes big and teary. Kathryn leans down as far as her belly will let her and she kisses Naomi's forehead softly. Sam gathers Naomi up, promising to keep Kathryn in the loop and Kathryn promises to call Naomi tomorrow. She leans back against the couch, her mind whirling as she thinks about the changes her Voyager family's gone through since they've been home. She feels horrible for not checking in with Sam and Naomi sooner but things have been so hectic; between losing Tom and B'Elanna, gaining Miral, and being pregnant, Kathryn's been so out of contact with her crew. She resolves to fix that immediately and when Chakotay comes to take her to lunch, he finds her at her computer, making calls.


	7. Interrupting Owen

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play with a promise to have them home at a reasonable time.

**Author's Note: **I couldn't let Owen Paris get away with acting like a child and my muse decided to finally let Kathryn rip into him over his behavior. I also wanted to test myself and see if I could write from another character's point of view . . . Hopefully it worked! Any mistakes are my own, as always.

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Gretchen knocks softly on the bedroom door, poking her head in when there's nothing but silence. Kathryn's sleeping, covered with a quilt, and her mother smiles at the sight. It's been a long day and she knows that her daughter's exhausted. The false contractions are taking a toll on her eldest, who puts on a brave face though Gretchen knows she'd rather be facing down real contractions instead. Kathryn's always been impatient and it's one of her more tenacious traits; Gretchen's almost convinced that her daughter brought Voyager back sixty-eight years early out of sheer willpower and a sense of impatience. Closing the door quietly, she heads back downstairs.

"I'm sorry but she's unavailable," she says, her chin lifting as she stares at the man standing in Kathryn's living room. Owen Paris, once a close friend to the Janeway family, shifts his weight slightly from one foot to the other as he stares at Gretchen. She's not impressed by his subtle attempt to intimidate her, though, and she crosses her arms over her chest. "You should've called ahead."

"I tried contacting your daughter ahead of time but my communications have all gone unanswered," he answers and Gretchen's hard-pressed not to slap him. In all of her years, in all of her dealings with this man, she never would've thought him capable of the cruelty he showed toward his son. Owen and Edward were close friends before Edward's death and when Kathryn was declared lost on Voyager, Owen was the one to tell Gretchen and hold her while she cried. She's always known that Owen had an odd way of interacting with his only child but to see him so harshly snub Thomas and B'Elanna cast Owen in a new light; Gretchen sees him for the cold-hearted bastard he is.

"I'm sure she has a very good reason for that, Admiral Paris. I'll be sure to pass on a message for you," she says and is very pleased to see him stiffen at her formal tone. In the forty years she's known him, she's never called him by his title. He takes a step toward her but she stands her ground, her gaze level and hard as she looks at him. He stops and sighs, lifting his hand and then dropping it.

"Gretchen, I have to explain," he says. "I have to explain why things happened the way they did and I have to explain to Kathryn why she and Chakotay have Miral now."

"I'm not interested in hearing what you have to say, Owen."

Gretchen and Owen look at the stairs in unison at the sound of Kathryn's voice. She's coming down them slowly and Gretchen moves quickly to help her; the false contractions have her daughter a little off balance and Gretchen doesn't want her to slip. Offering her elbow, Gretchen helps her down the last few steps and then stands back, watching Kathryn square her shoulders and face down the man who betrayed her trust.

"Kathryn, please, just let me expla-"

"No," Kathryn says sharply, interrupting Owen mid-sentence. "There's nothing you can say that can explain your treatment of your son and his family. There's nothing you can say that can explain how you could turn your back on your own flesh and blood. And there's absolutely nothing you can say that can change how I feel about you."

Owen flounders for a moment and then inhales, his face darkening. Gretchen takes a step forward to put herself between the angry man and her heavily pregnant daughter when Kathryn lifts a hand to stop her and cuts Owen off again and truly lets Owen have what's been coming to him.

"Do you know how hard he worked to make you proud, Owen? Can you possibly understand how badly he wanted your approval and love? I remember a little boy who used to stand in your shadow while trying to get your attention so he could show you his latest good grade and I remember you brushing him off every single time. I remember his desperate plea for forgiveness when the security officers were taking him to Auckland after his trial and the way you gave him the cold shoulder. I remember the way he sat on my ready room sofa and cried when Voyager finally made contact with the Alpha Quadrant and your letter consisted of five words. Do you remember those words, Owen? I do. You told your only child, a child you thought had been lost only to find again after several years, you told him 'Thomas, I'm disappointed in you.' I remember getting a call not terribly long ago that Tom and B'Elanna were killed and that you expected someone to come along and collect the orphan left behind. And I remember, all too clearly, delivering the eulogies of your son and daughter-in-law while you were nowhere to be found. You know what, Admiral? I'm disappointed in you as well."

There's silence in the house as Owen stares at Kathryn with a look of shock on his face. Gretchen's got tears in her eyes at the pain in her daughter's voice and the pain that Tom and B'Elanna must've gone through; she admits to herself that she didn't know B'Elanna well but she loved her the few times she met the young woman. Kathryn's got her hands on her hips and hasn't moved an inch from in front of Owen, who's still standing in silent shock. Kathryn clears her throat and motions to the front door.

"I'd like you to leave. Because you're her grandfather, whether you like it or not, you're welcome to see Miral any time but all requests are to be made in writing with a week's notice. It pains me, Owen, to finally have confirmation of what I'd feared all along, but you're truly a bitter old man and there's no place in my family for that negativity. You know the way out, I presume? You've walked out on Tom enough that this should be familiar to you," she says, turning to face Gretchen. The sound of the front door shutting makes Kathryn's tears start and Gretchen gathers her into her arms, holding her close as she cries.

"I'm so proud of you, Katie," she whispers. "I'm so proud of you, darling. Come on, let's sit on the sofa and talk."

Gretchen guides her to the sofa, sitting her down and pulling her into her arms again. Kathryn's whole body is shaking and Gretchen finds that she has nothing to say to ease the pain. Kathryn's crying like her heart is broken and Gretchen supposes it is; it's always terribly painful to find that someone isn't at all the person you thought. Kissing her daughter's head, Gretchen holds her close and lets her cry.


	8. Early Morning Gratitude

**Disclaimer: **Star Trek and its characters don't belong to me. I just take them out to play and promise to have them home at a reasonable time.

**Author's Note: **I debated for a long while over whether or not I should post this. I've had a lot of fun writing this accidental series (it was just supposed to be a one-shot, for crying out loud...) but I've had some trouble with nasty reviews. I've decided not to let that stop the updates so here's chapter eight! This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are, as always, mine.

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She's not exactly sure what's woken her up. Lying in the dark, listening to the sound of her husband breathing deeply in his sleep, she closes her eyes and shifts a little, uncomfortable in her own body. The Doctor, ever helpful, told her yesterday that she's only got a little while left before she can reclaim her body but she knows that's not entirely true; she's planning on breastfeeding and knows that the midnight feedings are going to be just as exhausting as these last few months of pregnancy have been. She's just ready to be able to see her feet again, if she's honest with herself.

Her thoughts turn to Miral, as they often do. It's been a year since Tom and B'Elanna were lost and it's been a rough ride; some days the wound is fresh and painful, while others it's a throb that never really stops. Miral's grown so much in the last year and it's been an intense experience raising her. She's walking, talking in nearly complete sentences, and learning new ways to cause trouble every day. Lying in bed, rubbing her belly as she thinks, Kathryn smiles at how nervous she was in the beginning; she's comfortable and confident when it comes to Miral and she's proud of her own growth.

Getting up slowly, a daunting and tiring process with her belly in the way, Kathryn sits on the edge of the bed and turns a little, trying to ease the pressure in her lower back. She's been restless for the last week and her mother's told her that she's in the nesting phase - and that it's completely normal - but she finds that she can't stay still for very long. She's got the unavoidable urge to use the bathroom and she figures she'll check on Miral while she's up. The floor is cold and she hunts down her slippers that look like tribbles, grateful that Chakotay kept them even after she laughed at the ridiculousness of them. Pulling her robe on and belting it above her belly, she heads to the bathroom.

When she checks on Miral, she smiles at the sight of the little girl sleeping. Miral's arms and legs are thrown wide, her messy curls spread across the sheet. Chakotay recommended letting her sleep in a one-piece pajama and Kathryn agreed, mostly because anything else wound up on the floor before the night was through. It amuses Kathryn, even now, that Miral can get out of any shirt before the lights are even off. Reaching down to touch the little girl's cheek, Kathryn blinks back tears at how much she looks like B'Elanna. She's grateful that she's had the time to get to know this child, though she'd change the circumstances around their relationship if she could; she misses Tom and B'Elanna terribly and knows that Chakotay does too.

She's still too awake to go back to bed so Kathryn heads down to the study, taking the stairs slowly. She's stopped having the Braxton Hicks contractions but she really doesn't want to risk falling, since she's clumsy enough that it's a possibility. Sitting in the overstuffed armchair that belonged to her father, Kathryn stares out the window, watching the snow fall. The temperature is below freezing so there's big, fat snowflakes falling and Kathryn's entranced. Snow was her second-most missed thing from home while on Voyager, with her mother -and her sinfully delightful caramel brownies - coming first.

Thinking of Gretchen brings a smile to Kathryn's face. She's so grateful to Admiral Janeway for her sacrifice because it brought her home to her mother before Gretchen passed away. Being so far from home and having only monthly conversations via the Midas Array were so hard; she could see and talk to her mother but she couldn't reach out and hug her or have her mother hold her when she needed the comfort. Her mother's always been her best friend, the one person she can turn to in any situation. And since she's been pregnant, Kathryn's found that her mother's been a veritable fount of knowledge when it comes to the changes going on with her body. She was the first person Kathryn thought to call when she felt the baby move for the first time, something that still makes her cringe; she didn't think to call her husband, though Chakotay promises that he doesn't hold it against her. He knows, bless his heart, how much Kathryn relies on her mother.

By the time the sun comes up and Chakotay makes his way downstairs, Kathryn's timed the contractions to less than five minutes apart. She's not sure when she realized that she's in active labor but she's staring at the chronometer across the room, gripping the arm of her chair when Chakotay steps into the room. He's at her side in a moment and she looks over at him with a smile, noting the concern on his face.

"Kathryn?"

She nods, her face relaxing as the contraction eases. Her voice is quiet as she says, "You should probably call Sam Wildman to come watch Miral and call Mom to let her know she needs to meet us at Starfleet Medical."

His face lights up and she beams at his joy; he's been just as impatient as she has and she knows how much he's been looking forward to their daughter's arrival. Knowing that things are going to get extremely crazy very soon, Kathryn leans back in the chair and watches her husband rush around in an attempt to get everything done at once. She's still sitting serenely when Sam and Naomi arrive, both hugging her fiercely as they come in the room.

Kathryn fills Sam in on Miral's normal routine and then lets Chakotay help her up out of the chair. She knows they have time still so she makes the trek up the stairs and kisses Miral's forehead, whispering softly that she loves her and that she'll see her soon. Chakotay's waiting for her at the top of the stairs and they make their way down slowly, stopping halfway for a contraction. By the time they beam to Starfleet Medical, Gretchen's waiting and Kathryn's contractions are only four minutes apart.

"Admiral! I'm glad you chose to join us," the Doctor says, scanning her with a tricorder as Chakotay and Gretchen help her onto the bed in the their private room. He studies the tricorder's display and then smiles up at the trio."I was beginning to think I'd have to make a house call to deliver your child but it seems she's just as stubborn as her mother and isn't in any rush to get here. Make yourself comfortable and I'll be back in to do a full examination in a few minutes."

Kathryn watches him leave and then turns to Chakotay, smiling as he leans over to kiss Gretchen's cheek. She's so grateful to have these two here with her and she reaches out to grab their hands, squeezing tight to show her gratitude before the next contraction crests.


	9. He Remembers

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing recognizable and if I did, well, things would've gone this way a long time ago.

**Author's Note:** Thank you for the support and reviews; y'all are awesome! I'm not entirely sure why my muse wanted things this way. I firmly believe that the Ship That Shall Not Be Named didn't actually happen and that it was all a weird fantasy in a certain Borg drone's mind; it's my biggest nOTP out of any fandom I belong to and I usually just ignore it. My muse wanted this chapter, though, and I couldn't argue. Thankfully the STSNBN is only a small part of it! This is, as always, unbeta'd so all mistakes belong to me.

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He sits by her bed, watching her sleep. She's been in labor for almost twelve hours, and the Doctor says she's still got a way to go, but she's resilient and hasn't complained once. She's gritted her teeth and powered through the contractions, even when they've started peaking harder and faster than before. Watching Kathryn work to bring their child into the world has been one of the most incredible things Chakotay's ever seen and he feels so blessed to have this opportunity. Reaching out to brush his fingers across the swell of her belly, he says a silent prayer to the Spirits and wishes his daughter a safe journey.

He still can't believe how good life's been to him in giving him Kathryn and Miral. Losing his family to the Cardassians, knowing that they'd been slaughtered mercilessly, almost ended him. He was bitter and angry; he blamed the Cardassians for the murders, Starfleet for turning the other way when they knew what was happening, and - most of all - himself for leaving. Joining the Maquis was his outlet and while he claimed it was to make sure that the border colonies affected by the Cardassians were being taken care of, he admits to himself that it was all about revenge. He wanted, in his blind rage at the injustice of the war, to end those who killed his family.

Being flung across the galaxy, being lost so far from home, being at the mercy of a prim and proper Starfleet captain who barely reached his chin - that wasn't part of his life's plan. He was so angry at the injustice of that too; he was stuck seventy-five years from his battle and didn't even have a ship to call his own. He didn't regret sacrificing the Val Jean to keep Voyager safe and he didn't regret giving up his command to let that fiery little captain lead their people home but it wasn't always easy. Being in love with your commanding officer makes things difficult on a regular basis, especially when she loves you back and holds back because of protocol. Watching her sleep in the little time she has before the Doctor comes back to check on her, Chakotay remembers.

He remembers sitting across from her on a small, uninhabited planet and pledging to make her burdens lighter. He remembers her tears as they clasped hands, the only commitment she could make at the time, and he remembers knowing then that her feelings matched his. He remembers returning to the ship, relief and pain warring for dominance as he realized he was losing the woman Kathryn had become. He remembers watching her lose herself to guilt and self-hatred in the Void and he remembers not being able to hold her like he wanted to because of their parameters.

He remember the pain of seeing her flirt with Kashyk and Michael Sullivan, the knife twisting a little in his heart as he wished it could be him. He remembers, all too clearly, the terror of letting her go to the Borg and the fear of never seeing her again. He remembers the sorrow in her eyes as she regained her memories after Quarra and realized that she wasn't just a woman, that she was a captain responsible for so many lives and that she wouldn't let herself have one of her own. He remembers watching the life drain from her eyes as she stood before Tuvok and the malfunctioning phaser and he remembers the anger he felt at himself when Teero's hold was broken and he realized what he'd done to the woman he loved.

He remembers giving up on her and accepting Seven's offer for a date. He remembers insisting that they keep their new relationship quiet, though he didn't know at the time why it was so important to him. He remembers picnics in the cargo bay, candlelit dinners in his quarters, awkward moments spent sitting in silence on the sofa under the viewport. He remembers the uncomfortable attempts that Seven made toward intimacy and their first awkward, bumbling kiss. He remembers thinking that it was all wrong but ignoring it in favor of trying again, trying to help her grow. He remembers Admiral Janeway's arrival on Voyager at the moment he's certain Seven was going to try to initiate something a little more personal and he clearly remembers his relief that they were interrupted.

He remembers standing on the bridge as Earth grew bigger on the viewscreen and Kathryn's quiet thanks to the Admiral for her help. He remembers being beside Seven at the most pivotal moment of their journey and having the sudden revelation that he'd made a mistake. He remembers taking the helm at her command and the tremors that set in when she gave the order to set a course for home. He remembers the press conferences, the debriefings, the endless questions, and he remembers his thoughts always being on Kathryn. He remembers Seven leaving through mutual agreement and the relief that swept over him when he was free of the biggest mistake of his life.

He remembers not speaking with Kathryn for nearly a month, both of them so caught up in their debriefings that they barely had time to sleep. He remembers sitting outside the conference room she was in and waiting for her to come out when the Board of Admirals made their decision. He remembers the utter joy on her face when she saw him and could tell him that she was a free woman, in more ways than one. He remembers sitting in a booth at the Night Owl and telling her everything, from Seven and how much he regretted that he gave up on Kathryn to how much he loved her and wanting things to be right between them. He remembers barely making it inside the door at his quarters before she was in his arms and up against the wall.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

The husky alto breaks through his reminiscing and he looks up at her, grinning at the knowing leer she's giving him. They've always had an uncanny ability to guess the other's thoughts and he's certain she knows what he just remembered, if her expression is anything to go by. He leans forward and brushes her hair from her face, letting his hand rest on her cheek as he kisses her forehead.

"I was just remembering," he confesses. She nods knowingly, her eyes twinkling as she reaches up to cover his hand with hers.

"I assumed as much," she says, "but you should really try to contain yourself. The nurses already have a hard time concentrating around you and don't need the distraction of that expression on your face."

He laughs and kisses her to stop her teasing. She's in good spirits and he's glad that the Doctor's been able to manage her pain so far; she's got a high pain tolerance but there's really only so much one body can take before drugs are a blessing. They talk for a little while, pausing when her contractions come and he's keeping track of the time between each peak. They're nearly constant now and more intense, and he's just so proud of her and how well she's doing. She falls silent except for her soft moans as the contractions come and go and he watches her lose herself in the process of childbirth, thanking the Spirits that she's so strong. When the Doctor comes to check on her, the EMH beams brightly and nods.

"You're doing remarkably well, Admiral. You're ten centimeters dilated and one hundred percent effaced which means we're in the homestretch," he says. Chakotay lets the Doctor run a few scans while he moves over to the small sofa and sits, reaching out to touch Gretchen's arm. She's been a godsend through this whole process and he hates to wake her but she'd kill him if she missed anything.

"Gretchen? It's almost time," he says softly and laughs as she pops up immediately, rubbing her eyes with a startled squeak. He takes his place back at Kathryn's side as Gretchen does the same. He watches her lean down to speak to her daughter and he uses the moment to plead, yet again, that the Spirits help his wife and daughter. He's so caught up in his plea that the feeling of her hand on his arm startles him and he looks down into bright blue eyes that are inexplicably concerned.

"Okay?" she whispers and he nods, smiling down at her as he blinks back tears. Of course she'd be concerned about him.

"I'm just grateful," he answers, leaning down to kiss her again. "I'm so proud of you, Kathryn. You're almost done and we'll have another beautiful little girl to spoil."

She smiles and nods, squeezing his hand as the Doctor finishes his exam and declares her ready to push. Chakotay's nearly beside himself in excitement at the thought of their little girl being so close and he finds himself caught up in the process too, encouraging Kathryn to push.


	10. A New Crewmember

**Disclaimer: ** I own nothing. If I had, the characters would've done this a looong time ago.

**Author's Note:** I'm rubbish at writing this sort of scene but I gave it my best. I don't remember a lot of my own experience with childbirth because mine's five now and my mind's blocked out the pain (scientists say that the female mind forgets the pain of childbirth so that it'll be willing to go through the process again) so I had a rough time getting the feel of this chapter just right. I hope it's believable enough, since I'm truly writing vague recollections. Anyhoo, enjoy! This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are, as always, mine.

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She doesn't know if she can do this. Her husband and her mother are on either side of her, telling her to push and that she's almost done but she's been pushing for hours and she hurts all over. She can hear the Doctor encouraging her and telling her that everything is going well but she's just so tired; she's worn out, exhausted by the constant pain that the contractions bring and she really doesn't think she can do this. She shakes her head and blinks back the tears forming as she feels the pain start to build, her mind telling her that her body can't take any more. She's Kathryn Janeway, the intrepid captain who beat the Borg and brought her crew home against all odds but she's sure that the mind-boggling pain of childbirth is going to consume her and she needs it to stop.

"I can't," she whispers, her hand shaking as she reaches up to grab at Gretchen's arm. She looks between her mother and her husband, her lower lip trembling as she tries to make them understand how serious she is. "Mom, I can't."

"You can, Goldenbird," Gretchen soothes, her hand covering Kathryn's as she smiles through her own tears. "You're doing so well, sweetheart. I know it hurts and that you're tired but you're so close. Just a few more pushes, darling, and she'll be here and you can rest."

Kathryn shakes her head, crying out as the pain hits its peak and her body bears down; it's not so much a conscious action at this point, at least not in the beginning. She groans through the contraction as she starts to actively push, desperate to bring this child into the world to end the struggle. This pain is a little different and it threatens to sap what little sanity she has left at this point, but she makes it through the contraction and falls back, her mind hazy in the aftermath. She sees Chakotay lean over her, his brow furrowed and his eyes moist as he smiles at her.

"Her head's out, Kathryn. Her head's out and you've got one more big push to get her shoulders out, okay?"

She nods, her breath catching in her chest as the wave of fire washes over her again; she loses track of everything but the circle of lava in her lower body and how it's steadily growing. She cries out and pushes harder, the agony of the lava searing through her, and she's certain she's about to burst into flame when the pain is gone. Its absence is abrupt and she's confused until she hears the soft sound; there's a tiny whimper and then a startled wail and Kathryn's heart leaps.

"You did it!" her mother beams and Kathryn lifts her head slowly, tired and sore but ready to see her child. Chakotay's standing next to the Doctor and even from across the room Kathryn can see his tears. Gretchen tucks a pillow behind Kathryn's back so that she can see a little easier and Kathryn watches, speechlessly in awe, as Chakotay turns with a tiny bundle tucked in his arms. She's shaking by the time he gets over to the bed and she looks up to see his tears fall faster as he speaks to the newborn in his arms.

"This is your mother," he whispers, leaning down to settle their daughter in Kathryn's arms. Kathryn's fingers tremble as she pulls the blanket away a little, taking in the dark curly hair, the serious blue eyes that blink up at her, and the little scowling mouth that opens and closes. Kathryn's so in love that she can't breathe and she finds it almost impossible to tear her eyes away from the perfect little girl in her arms. When she manages to look up at her husband, her voice is hoarse but strong.

"She's perfect," she says, tears slipping down her cheeks. "She's just so perfect."

Chakotay laughs, nodding as he kisses Kathryn's forehead before shifting a little so that Gretchen can slide closer and see her newest granddaughter. Kathryn relinquishes the baby reluctantly, her tears falling faster as her husband and mother huddle over the child and admire her.

"I hate to interrupt," the Doctor says, "but I need to log her name for the official records. Have you chosen one yet?"

Chakotay looks to Kathryn and nods; they'd discussed names at great lengths and it takes a few tries for Kathryn to find her voice amid the emotional upheaval she's experiencing.

"Her name is Lanna . . . Lanna Gretchen Janeway."


	11. She Smells

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play with a promise to bring them home happier than they were.

**Author's Note:** I've got to give a _huge_ thank you to Cha for helping me with the Klingon terms I used in this chapter (chajwl' means 'my daughter' and puqbe'oy means 'daughter', though it's only used for toddlers"). My muse couldn't wait to let Miral meet Lanna so here's the next update! This is, as always, unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Also, thanks for the kind reviews! Y'all are just great and I really appreciate the time you take to let me know you're still enjoying this!

* * *

Miral is quiet when he brings her to see Kathryn and the baby. She talked the whole way to Medical, telling him about Gramma's cookies and how Aunt Phoebe let her eat three whole brownies before dinner. She's not even two yet but her Klingon genes mean she's developed faster than other children her age; she's got the mentality - and vocabulary - of a four year-old. Chakotay couldn't get her to take a breath while they made their trek through the halls of Medical but now that they've stepped into Kathryn's room, Miral's silent. She tugs on the leg of his pants, her eyes focused solely on the baby in her mother's arms, and Chakotay bends down to pick her up.

"There's my favorite girl," Kathryn beams, shifting Lanna enough to free one arm so that she can reach out toward Miral. Chakotay's surprised when he feels Miral press her face into his neck and Kathryn's face reflects his shock but she keeps her voice light when she speaks. "Mama missed you, Miral."

Chakotay moves over to the bed, leaning down to kiss Kathryn and smile at the newborn nursing at her breast. He's still in awe of the whole situation and he finds himself grinning brightly at his wife and new daughter. Shifting Miral a little so that her face isn't hidden, he reaches up and tucks her hair behind her ear.

"Miral, this is Lanna," he says, turning a little so that she can see the baby again. Miral's still silent, her eyes narrow as she stares down at her new sister. After a long moment of silence, which makes Chakotay increasingly nervous, Miral shakes her head.

"No. I don't want Lanna," she says firmly. Chakotay tilts his head at Kathryn, who shrugs slightly and pats a spot on the bed. Chakotay sits, adjusting the toddler so that she's sitting on his lap. Kathryn reaches her hand out again, smiling.

"Come give me a snuggle, sweetheart," she says softly and Chakotay moves Miral from his lap to the spot right next to Kathryn. The toddler doesn't move for a full minute and then she leans over Kathryn's lap, pressing a finger into Lanna's side.

"Mama, why did you get Lanna?" she asks, screwing up her nose as she leans a little closer. "She smells."

Chakotay grimaces as he looks up at Kathryn. They've talked about how to handle bringing the new baby into the household and how it's going to affect Miral, who's used to being an only child, but they're still concerned. Kathryn just smiles and runs her fingers through Miral's hair.

"Lanna is a part of our family now and we love her, sweetie. But Papa and I aren't going to love you any less, chajwl'. We've got enough love in our family for everyone and you're still our favorite little warrior. Lanna is going to need help," she explains, tapping Miral's nose, "because she's just a baby and she can't do anything by herself. Papa and I are going to take care of her and you're going to teach her everything you know, right?"

Miral stares intently at the baby before nodding, her face serious as she says, "I'll teach her, Mama."

Chakotay watches Kathryn blink back tears and finds himself choked up at the way Miral scoots closer and inspects Lanna. She reaches out and runs a finger over Lanna's tiny foot, giggling as the newborn jerks away from the contact. When he looks up at Kathryn, she's smiling tearily at him and he nods, leaning over to kiss her lightly. Satisfied that Miral's distracted, he speaks softly.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm a little sore but doing well," she says, touching his cheek with her free hand. "I'm ready to go home, though."

Chakotay laughs, nodding as he grins.

"You never have liked doctors, have you? Has Doc been in to see you today?"

"He was in a little while ago and said we'll be able to go this evening," she replies, making a face. Her aversion to sickbay was legendary on Voyager and he finds it adorable that nothing's changed. "I don't particularly mind doctors, just the pompousness of certain ones."

"You know he cares about you and wants what's best, Beloved," he says, making her chuckle. They talk for a few minutes and then Lanna starts to fuss, drawing Kathryn's attention. She lifts the baby and sets her against her shoulder, patting her back as Miral watches in utter fascination.

"Mama, why are you hitting the baby?" she asks. Kathryn laughs and shakes her head.

"I'm burping her, puqbe'oy. She's still so little that I have to make sure she doesn't have a gas bubble in her tummy," Kathryn says. Miral contemplates that for a while and then giggles madly when the baby burps loudly.

"That's not nice, Lanna! Silly Lanna, she sounds like a targ!"

Chakotay chuckles and scoops Miral up into his arms, snuffling into her neck as she giggles. When she settles again, he kisses the top of her head and winks at Kathryn.

"I'll take Miral down to the cafeteria for lunch. Is there anything you want?" he asks, then holds up a hand. "Aside from coffee."

"You know me so well," Kathryn replies as she rubs Lanna's back. "Maybe a brownie?"

"I had a brownie, Mama! Aunt Pheobe gave me four brownies before dinner," Miral chimes in, holding up four fingers. "She said not to tell my Mama and Papa 'cause she wasn't s'posed to."

Kathryn laughs and gathers Miral in a tight hug. She kisses her forehead and then looks up, kissing Chakotay too before he stands, holding Miral.

"I love you, Beloved. We'll be back soon," he says, lightly touching Lanna's back as he leans down and kisses the baby's head. Kathryn waves as they leave and Chakotay's aware of Miral chattering incessantly as they make their way down the hall.

"I'll teach Lanna how to storm the gates of Gre'thor and how to fight with a bat'leth and how to be a warrior," she says. Chakotay just grins, grateful that she's accepting this monumental change so well.


	12. Feeling Well-Rested

**Disclaimer: **Star Trek and its characters don't belong to me. I just take them out to play and promise to have them home at a reasonable time.

**Author's Note: **My muse is in a foul mood and, as is the norm when she gets this way, my favorite characters tend to get the brunt of her odd moods. This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are, as always, mine.

* * *

Something is wrong. She's tired, her head hurts, and she can't move without feeling like she's going to vomit. She keeps her eyes squeezed closed, avoiding the bright light beyond her eyelids; her head's pounding and she doesn't want to aggravate the pounding by staring at the bright lights of wherever she's ended up in. There's a quiet hiss and she sighs softly at the way the pain fades. Swallowing hard to keep her stomach from rebelling, she opens her eyes slowly and is startled to see two men leaning over her, matching looks of concern on their faces.

"Admiral?" one of the men asks, his bald head shining under the artificial lights. "Admiral, can you hear me?"

She swallows hard again, willing the nausea to ease as she nods slightly. The bald man looks relieved and smiles brightly.

"That was a close one, Admiral. Your injuries were rather severe, as is common in a shuttle crash, but I've saved the day, as always. Broken ribs, internal bleeding, concussions . . . They're no match for my superior skills and -"

She blinks at his haughty self-praise, her brow furrowing at the arrogance in his voice. She licks her lips and is trying to find her voice to interrupt when the other man, the younger one with the odd marking on his face, speaks first.

"Doctor, something's wrong."

The bald man stops mid sentence and frowns at the other man. She finds the whole scene rather hilarious but is so terribly confused. Licking her lips again, she finally manages to make her voice cooperate.

"What happened?"

The bald man opens and closes his mouth, then looks up at the other man and shrugs. The man with the tattoo leans down, a little closer than she's comfortable with, and his voice is soft when he speaks.

"What do you remember?" he asks and she tries to think back to the last thing she remembers. It takes her almost a minute but finally she sighs.

"I can't . . ." she starts and is caught off-guard by the sudden expletive muttered by the man with the tattoo. She's still tired and the nausea's still a problem and she's so, _so_ tired and she wants to sleep. "I don't remember anything."

The man with the tattoo is rubbing his face and the bald man is waving something over her, mumbling about unforeseen complications. She feels herself slipping back toward sleep and the last thing she hears, aside from the bald man's continued muttering, is a quietly whispered name.

When she wakes again, things haven't changed much; the man with the tattoo and the bald man are still there, though there's another man standing on the other side of the room now. He's tall and dark-skinned, with oddly pointed ears; she's not sure what to make of him.

"How are you feeling?" the bald man asks and she takes a silent inventory of herself. Her headache's gone, her stomach doesn't feel like it's going to leap out of her throat, and she feels fairly well-rested. When she tells him as much, the bald man smiles and nods. He leaves and her attention's drawn back to the man with the tattoo. He's staring down at her, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Do I know you?" she asks and she watches him grimace before he nods. "I'm sorry I don't remember you."

He smiles faintly and sits next to her, taking her hand as though he has to reassure himself that she's at least physically here. She keeps her eyes on him, curious about so many things but finding that she's not sure how to ask her questions. He saves her when he starts to speak.

"Your name is Kathryn Janeway. You're an admiral in Starfleet, an interstellar military organization based on Earth. You're well respected for your diplomatic abilities and the way you can charm spots off a Trill. Your mother, Gretchen, lives just down the street from you in the house you were raised in, and you're married, with two beautiful children and a husband who loves you," he says and as much as she likes the sound of his voice, it feels like he's telling her a stranger's life story. She shakes her head and frowns.

"I don't remember any of that. I don't remember any of that," she says, her anxiety jumping as she looks up at him. She doesn't know who this man is, or who she is, for that matter, and she's starting to panic. "I don't know any of this."

"I know you don't, Kathryn, and I know that it's terrifying. But you have to calm down, okay? You have to trust me," he says and she shakes her head vehemently.

"I don't know you!" she says, tugging her hand away from him. She's fighting tears now and she's frightened, so she sits up and pulls her knees to her chest in an attempt to control her shaking. The man across the room steps forward, his face emotionless as he looks at her but his voice comforting as he speaks.

"You have nothing to fear, Admiral. We are your friends and - " he stops and glances at the man with the tattoo on his face before continuing, "- and your family. We are here to help you and I assure that we mean no harm."

She stares at him, a tear slipping down her cheek as she feels so terribly alone.


	13. Pizza and Bat'leths

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing recognizable and if I did, well, things would've gone this way a long time ago.

**Author's Note:** Y'all are wonderful for your continued support and I'm truly grateful! This chapter was a little slow coming because of real-life shenanigans but my muse demanded I get it out tonight so here it is! To the guest reviewers who asked what was wrong with me for the last chapter - I have an odd muse and she definitely does what she wants. I'd also like to point out that this story is still marked as a WIP so there was no need for snarking about the story ending so poorly. It's not done yet!

* * *

The call he has to place to her mother is one of the hardest he's ever had to make. Sitting in front of the computer console in the guest lounge down the hall from her room, he takes a deep breath and tries to center himself, to find calm amid the turbulence of his emotions. It's been a long few days and he's been lucky to have the support of so many people but things are still hard and this latest development has his spirits drooping. Taking another deep breath, he keys in the information and waits for her to answer.

"What's wrong?" Gretchen asks immediately and he shakes his head as he feels the frustration, fear, and sadness of the last few days catch up to him. He struggles for words as he looks at Gretchen's kind eyes and he's sure he's about to burst into tears. It takes him a moment to collect himself enough to speak.

"She doesn't remember," Chakotay says, covering his mouth with a shaking hand when the reality of his words sinks in. "She doesn't remember anything, Gretchen."

Gretchen swallows hard and stares at him, her lower lip trembling. Chakotay blinks back his tears and anguish, straightening his shoulders and shaking his head to clear it. Gretchen needs him to be strong and he's determined to do his best. He can find a corner later and let himself break down then.

"The Doctor says there's significant swelling on her brain from hitting the console when the shuttle went down," he explains. "He said that the memory loss is most likely temporary, although he can't be certain. As the swelling goes down, she should start regaining memories."

"Why doesn't he just fix the swelling now?" she asks, her voice shaking as much as Chakotay's hands. "Why doesn't he just heal everything right now so she can recover?"

"He says the human brain is delicate enough that going in and attempting to fix the problem can cause more problems. He did treat a lot of the swelling but said that the rest is up to her body. Believe me when I say I asked the exact same thing."

"Oh Chakotay, of course you did. I'm sorry, I just don't - " she pauses and takes a minute to collect herself before looking back at the screen. "Getting the call that you both were injured in a shuttle accident stopped my heart, son. I couldn't handle losing you two."

Chakotay smiles weakly and whispers, "It was horrible and I pray to the Spirits that I never have to go through this again. Waking up and realizing what happened was nothing compared to the pain of seeing Kathryn like that. And this was the second time I've lived that experience."

He doesn't elaborate that the first time he'd watched Kathryn's life slip away as he held her in his arms or that an alien had taken Edward Janeway's form in an attempt to lure Kathryn into its matrix. Gretchen doesn't need to know that but the image of Kathryn dying in his arms wakes him up at night, even now.

"Phoebe's on her way over to stay with the girls," Gretchen says, pulling him out of his dark thoughts with the convenient topic change and judging by her sympathetic smile, she knows he needs it. "She'll be here any time and I'll be right over."

"Thank you, Gretchen. I appreciate you watching the girls so we could attend the conference together," he replies. "It seems like a lifetime ago, to be honest. I never expected any of this."

"Of course not, dear. No one expects the unexpected," she says, looking away from the screen at something and then she leans down. When she sits back up, Lanna's in her arms and is smiling at the screen.

"Papa!" she cries, waving madly. Chakotay blinks back tears again, leaning forward to press his hand against the screen as he smiles and greets the four year-old.

"Hi there, sweetheart. Are you being good for Gramma?"

"Uh huh! Gramma played with me all day and said I'm a good girl!" she exclaims, looking back at Gretchen for confirmation before turning her attention back to her father. "She said we can have pizza for dinner 'cause it's Miral's favorite, and mine too! And Miral said she's gonna teach me how to use a bat'leth when she gets home from school. Isn't that fun, Papa?"

"That sounds like a lot of fun, Lanna. Just be careful and make sure Aunt Phoebe is there so you don't hurt yourselves," he says, grateful that the girls are being cared for by such wonderful women. Lanna nods and kisses the screen before climbing down from Gretchen's lap. Chakotay watches her run off and then smiles at Gretchen. "Are you sure Phoebe can handle two little Klingon warriors with a bet'leth?"

"Oh please, Amelia and Padric get into trouble worse than that on a regular basis," she replies, her smile fading as she stares at him. "Besides, Katie needs me more and I've a feeling that you do too."

"I do," he readily admits without shame. "This is hard and I'm at a loss. Tuvok's in with her now, trying to talk her into seeing if a mind meld will help but she's scared and won't let him near her. She doesn't remember anything at all and I don't know how to help her."

"I hear Phoebe at the front door now so I'll be right over," she says, looking at him sadly. "Everything will work out the way it's meant to, Chakotay. And whatever happens, I know you'll be right there for her. I'll see you soon, dear."

They sign off and Chakotay makes his way back to Kathryn's room where he stands in the doorway and watches his wife. She's sitting in the bed still, looking at Tuvok as he stands by the windows and speaks to her. He's telling her about their friendship and service together but Kathryn's face is blank and Chakotay knows that she's too polite to stop him. A hand on his shoulder makes him turn and he sees Gretchen behind him, a sad smile on her face. He wraps his arm around his mother-in-law's shoulders and they listen to Tuvok tell the story of Kathryn Janeway's bravery and loyalty.


	14. A Perfect Family

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing recognizable and if I did, well, things would've gone this way a long time ago.

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the delay! I've got another WIP I've been working on and I recently discovered the delight of _Ryan's Hope_ (which is a horribly cheesy soap opera but serves well to satisfy my Kate Mulgrew addiction). This chapter is unbeta'd so all mistakes are, as always, my own.

* * *

The pictures on the wall fascinate her. She sees the man with the tattoo in most of them - his name is Chakotay and he's her husband, according to what she's been told - and she sees herself, which is odd; she can recognize her face but she has absolutely no idea what circumstances surround each picture. She's got no recollection of her life and, while everyone's been so kind in telling her about herself, she's rather flustered at all the information.

The Doctor, who endlessly amuses her with the fact that he has no name, is still trying to figure out what happened to her memories. She's been under his care for the last three days, enduring test after test and scan after scan; so far the Doctor's found nothing to explain why her memories aren't returning as the swelling in her brain goes down. Chakotay finally convinced him to let her go home so here she is, standing in the living room of the house she's told she lives in with her husband and children.

There's a picture of her and Chakotay standing in the snow, each of them holding a little girl. The younger of the girls, a brunette with bright blue eyes and a mischievous grin, is perched on Chakotay's shoulder and is grinning down at them while the other little girl, a beautiful brunette with striking blue eyes and an unusual forehead, laughs at her sister's expression. Kathryn reaches up and touches the picture, frowning as she tries to remember but nothing comes and it frustrates her again; this is her family, her husband and children, but she can't remember anything about their life.

She can't remember the pregnancies or deliveries, can't remember naming the girls, and can't remember watching them grow up. She thinks it terribly unfair and moves on to the next pictures. Chakotay finds her just as she's finishing up her lap of the living room and his soft footsteps alert her to his presence. She keeps her attention on the picture in front of her in an attempt to hide her tears.

"Dinner's ready when you are," he says and she nods silently. She looks down and wipes at her eyes, not wanting him to know she's been crying, but a large hand rests on her shoulder and makes her look up. He's moved without a sound and she stares up at him, her lip trembling. She realizes she's crying when he reaches up and wipes a tear from her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, although she's not entirely sure why she's apologizing. Chakotay smiles softly and shakes his head.

"What are you sorry for, Kathryn? I'm the one who should apologize. I didn't take into consideration how hard all of this is on you."

"I just . . . I feel _lost_. I don't remember anything about my life, about who I am or what I've done. I don't remember you or them-" She points at the family picture and shakes her head. "- and it makes me sad because this life seems so perfect."

"Oh it's not perfect at all," he says with a gentle smile. "We fight, we yell, we work too much. We don't have a perfect life but it's a good one because of our love. We love each other and we love the girls, which makes our life enough for us. We're happy."

"Will you tell me about our girls?" she asks, turning back to look at the family picture again. Chakotay wraps his arm around her waist and leads her over to stand in front of it, a smile forming.

"Lanna's four and Miral's five and a half," he says, pointing at each child respectively. "They're with your mother for the next few days but they miss you very much. Miral's a wonderful big sister to Lanna and takes her duties as protector very seriously. Lanna's a troublemaker, though that's not surprising considering how much she reminds me of you."

"I wish I could remember them," she sighs, shaking her head as she leans toward the picture. "What's wrong with Miral's forehead?"

"She's one-quarter Klingon," Chakotay says easily, smiling at her confused frown. "Her mother and father were killed in action when Miral was six months old. They asked us to be her godparents and we accepted, never thinking that anything would happen to Tom and B'Elanna. Tom's father called us and told us that they'd been killed and that their daughter was waiting for us to pick her up."

"Owen," she murmurs and she's as surprised as he is, clapping her hand over her mouth as she looks up at him.

"That's right," he replies, nodding. "Do you remember anything about Owen?"

She stays silent for a few moments, her brow furrowed as she tries to think. There's a few quick images that flash through her mind - nothing concrete - and she shakes her head.

"I remember emotions more than images," she says, rubbing at her forehead. "I remember being scared, both of him and for him. I remember relief at seeing him and then utter disappointment."

Chakotay nods seriously as he says, "You've known Owen Paris for a long time. He and your father were old friends and you grew up with the Paris family around a lot. When you finished Starfleet Academy, you served under Owen on your first posting and went through being prisoners of war together. It bonded you and strengthened your relationship with him. You admired him and looked to him as your mentor and hero, so it was difficult for you to understand him after Tom and B'E died. He was heartless and you told him as much. You haven't spoken to him since right before Lanna was born, actually."

She's crying again by the time he finishes but she's not entirely sure why. She feels so many conflicting emotions and she doesn't really understand them or know how to process them. Chakotay doesn't say anything about the tears but he leads her over to the couch and sits her down, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders before he sits next to her. She leans into his side, grateful for his presence, even if she doesn't remember his love.


	15. A Quiet Voice

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Star Trek nor its characters; I just take them out to play and bring them back far happier than they were when they left.

**Author's Note: **Um, I have no idea what my muse did here or why she did it. I've been sewing for a craft fair and apparently my muse felt neglected because she wouldn't leave me alone and _this_ is what she gave me when I relented. *Shrug* My muse is a cruel beast who enjoys making people suffer, apparently. This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.

* * *

He can tell that she's nervous when she paces around the living room for the fourth time. She's been quiet for a while now, walking around to look at the pictures on the wall, and he understands where her anxiety is coming from because he'd certainly feel the same way if he was in her position. Her memories are slowly returning one at a time and, while he'd hoped that they'd all return at the same time, he's grateful that she's had time to adjust to the emotions that accompany each recollection. She remembers her life before Voyager and a few years into their journey across the Delta Quadrant, and he'd held her last night as she remembered the guilt and pain of forcing her crew into that situation. They'd talked for hours and he'd done his best to alleviate her guilt, though he knows it'll take time for her to fully come to terms with it.

"Chakotay?"

Gretchen's voice comes from the front door and he sees Kathryn's head snap up to look toward the sound as she shrinks back out of view. A moment later, Gretchen comes around the corner with Lanna and Miral beside her and Chakotay smiles at the trio as the girls shrieks and run at him.

"Papa!" Lanna exclaims, throwing her arms around his legs. Miral's right behind her, hugging him as tightly as she can with her sister in the way. He laughs, working his way to kneel down before kissing their foreheads.

"Well hello girls! I've missed you," he says and Miral pulls away so that she can grace him with a glare, her hands on her hips.

"Papa, where's Mama? Gramma said she was hurt and that she got bumped in the head but I wanna see her, Papa. Gramma says Mama's okay but I wanna see her 'cause she always says that hugs make everything better so that's what I wanna do."

Chakotay swallows against the lump that's formed in his throat as he watches his daughters nod enthusiastically. They're both grinning at him now, hopeful expressions on their faces.

"I'm right here."

Both girls look behind him and squeal, their faces lighting up. Kathryn steps out of the corner and is standing awkwardly; he can feel the tension coming from her in waves even from across the room.

"Mama!" the girls cry in unison and bolt over to hug her. She drops to her knees and catches them, wrapping her arms around them slowly. Chakotay glances up at Gretchen - forgotten in the joyful exuberance of the children - and smiles at her questioning look. He stands and moves over to join her, watching Kathryn hold the children tightly as she closes her eyes. Gretchen touches his arm, her voice quiet.

"How's she doing?" she asks and Chakotay shrugs slightly, keeping his smile in place.

"She remembers everything from before Voyager and about a quarter of life in the Delta Quadrant. It's been rough but she's strong and we've been able to handle each memory as they come," he explains, shaking his head. "She remembers emotions first and then the actual memory, which isn't so bad except when she's recalling something traumatic. She's was a mess after she remembered Justin and her father, the initial journey across the galaxy, and the loss of a young alien girl named Kes. We talked things through, though, and she's coming to terms with her life."

"I'm glad she has you, Chakotay. She's the strongest woman I know but she couldn't have done any of this alone," Gretchen whispers. "She's been through so much and hasn't had an easy life."

Chakotay wraps his arm around Gretchen's shoulders and holds her close as they watch Kathryn and the children interact happily. Kathryn shifts a little, sitting on the floor, and both girls have climbed into her lap and are excitedly telling her all about their time with Gretchen. Lanna's just started talking about how much fun she's had baking cookies with Gramma when Kathryn looks up sharply, meeting Chakotay's gaze with a frown. Chakotay feels his stomach drop as he takes a step forward, recognizing that she's remembered something.

"Kathryn?"

"I remember Seven of Nine," she says coolly. "I remember you tried to airlock her with the rest of the drones in the cargo bay."

Lanna and Miral look back and forth between their parents, their eyes wide. Gretchen moves quickly and crosses over to the girls, taking them by the hand and leading them into the kitchen as she tells them that they'll make cookies here. Chakotay watches them go and then turns back to find Kathryn standing with her hands on her hips.

"That was a long time ago and Seven's forgiven me," Chakotay sighs, holding his hands up in defeat. There's no way to avoid this confrontation, even though they've done it once before. "She understood that the situation was tense and that I reacted instinctively."

"I can't believe you'd murder sentient beings, Chakotay. I should've put you on report instead of dismissing your actions," she snaps and Chakotay groans inwardly before huffing.

"They were Borg, Kathryn. Surely you remember the Borg? Galactic menace, a threat to everything across all four quadrants, nasty pests with no regard for morals . . . Sound familiar?"

"Still," she replies, her chin coming up as her frown deepens. "You killed them."

"So this is about me killing them?" he asks incredulously, shaking his head as he runs his fingers through his hair. This argument isn't anything like the first time they had it.

"Yes, that's exactly what this is about! What are you really capable of, Chakotay? What happens the next time Lanna or Miral make you angry? You were a criminal, after all . . . Will you just kill them because they're _pests_?"

He freezes, unable to fully comprehend what she's just said. Her eyes are wide and he can tell that she's shocked too but his heart is absolutely shattering and he's having trouble staying upright. Shaking his head slowly, he backs away from her and struggles to find something to say.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, _so_ sorry," she whispers but he keeps moving back and rubs at his mouth with a trembling hand.

"I . . . I have . . . I have to go," he finally says and turns on his heel. The door slams shut behind him and he hears Kathryn calling his name but he ignores her, focusing only on putting one foot in front of the other. He still can't fathom what's happened and the logical part of his mind wants to say that she didn't mean it, that she said it to hurt him in the heat of the moment. But there's a quiet voice in the back of his mind that says she wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it.


End file.
